again with the crazy....

i'm so sorry. i know it's probably boring to anyone else but me but i am CONSUMED with thoughts of pregnancy and have an addiction to staring at my chart and comparing it to other people's charts - it's a problem and i think i may need a support group.

hi, my name is shirley and i am a chart addict. (hi, shirley.)...... sigh.

so here's the deal. my chart is looking **good** -- like we did the deed when we were supposed to and my temps are high and as of today my chart almost leads me to believe it's triphasic (!!!) and when i compare it to other charts that end in pregnancy my heart flutters.

for example:

my line is the purple one and the mysterious pregnant girls whose charts these are have the green line

see what i mean?! one would think that i am right on track to pee on a stick and get a positive result. well...

i did and i didn't.

and yes, it's early still (early like "i'm a fool for wasting that test" early) but i can't help myself!

here's the real kicker: i have no symptoms. none. zip. zilch.

well, that's not entirely true. i have had freaky dreams and some weird cramping in my uterine area. i'm eating everything in sight and taking naps. but in all honesty, those last two are just an everyday occurrence for me! oh, and i did freak out and cry a lot yesterday... but i think that was reasonable with all of the pressure i've been under with 5 new clients trying to get in on my schedule in the past week and my mom & sister just now telling me my niece's 3rd birthday party is this weekend when i've already promised myself to a friend's bday celebration on the same day... i feel like such a bad auntie :(

anyway, i just need to chill. why don't they make chill pills!?! oh wait, they do and they're called valium and i won't go near them! so i'm off to take another nap and stuff my face and wait anxiously to go to bed tonight so i can wake up tomorrow and check my temp. and i swear to god, if it continues to rise there will be no home pregnancy test that will be safe from me peeing on it!

this is going to get expensive.

ps - that evil bitch, fertilityfriend.com, has added unnecessary fuel to the fire by telling me that if i am by some long shot preggers then my due date is my birthday. bitches.

Confidential to Shirley:

Do you think this should happen to my hair? ChiRi and I both have giant faces. Love the color, too.

http://www.haironthebrain.com/2010/08/christinas-bob/

(she's all, like, whatevs)

me thinks this would be most adorable on you... but are you also talking about growing out le bangs? i think it's best without them quite frankly... cause with the bangs straight across and the short bob-ness you (meaning most folks) run the risk of looking pie-faced if you add too much volume to the cut and then shorten your face by having bangs take up your forehead.

see how even reese sweeps them to the side. (is it just me or doesn't she look like she's listening to the schizo voice inside her head here and plotting to kill us all with a smile?!)

also note that ChiRi has her's curled at the bottom so it's not actually as short as it appears in this photo - so make sure your stylist knows which length you are actually asking for (pre-curl or post-curl).
and yes, the color of ChiRi's hair is lovely - lighter than yours but not washed out. keep in mind this would maybe require more than just highlights to achieve the overall look so it might get expensive.
i say go with the cut first and then color later.
hope i've helped, L!

Shark week

Let's cut the shit, ladies. I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is how I am feeling today:

But it's not your fault, y'all. Just wallowing in my grumpy PMSness, which has been really weird this month. I didn't actually get into the game until yesterday, but last week was spent with severe headaches and sadness--a whole week early. This week (up until today, obvs) has been puppies and rainbows and smugly healthful eating. Today there needs to be pizzas, purple couches, and Real Housewives. Instead there may be coworker facemurder.

See, there's this big project that I've been working on for 9 months. It's my work baby. My work baby with fetal alcohol system and an extra 10 lbs brought on my stress eating/research. Work baby is in the final stages of labor right now, but it's not a peaceful home birth with tubs and yoga balls. It's a mother-effing, worn-off-epidural having, cuss word screaming, annoyance fest. And the end results look like it took someone 5 minutes to throw together. But it's almost done, which means I'll have to find something else to complain about. -- L

why am i crazy all the time?!

i have guests coming to stay with me from out of town and i'm excited and stressed. we moved into our house a year ago and there is still so much i want and need to do to it. i know that just like our bodies, we ladies can also be hyper-critical of our homes - we see all of the little imperfections that no one else notices....except if you are like me, you have the annoying habit of pointing them out and apologizing for them which only makes them more apparent.

ME: look at my giant zit! omg! don't look in the fridge, i need to clean it out! ugh! my cuticles are so gross! i was going to paint this bathroom before you got here but i didn't have time so forgive me! (and on, and on, and on.....)

so even though my guests are my childhood friend and her girlfriend who are moving cross country and will probably just be excited to have a bed to sleep in and take a load off, i have been freaking the eff out and painting and rearranging and scurrying around like a squirrel on meth. today i attempted to paint the tiny little half bath that no one even goes in and while my friends are here they probably will only glance in when i give the initial house tour - this makes sense right?! a totally appropriate use of my time and energy?!

no.

and here's the kicker. i did it (for the most part - it still needs a second coat) and i don't like it.

so will i leave it? let it be until next week when i have more time to reassess and repaint?

no.

tomorrow i will freak out and go to home depot and in my limited time between appointments i will attempt to paint a bathroom no one ever uses.

god help me.