Wednesday, September 8, 2010

sweet dreams

so i stalk the fertility friend message boards regularly, and most of it is just tiresome to read. mostly people ask for other people to look at their charts and give them some glimmer of hope that they could be pregnant and the other folks seem to ask run-of-the-mill questions that they could just as soon google or read about in any fertility book ever made.
i digress.
the other day a gal posted about a dream she had that really was nice and a good thing to remember for anyone TTC. here's a bit of what she wrote:

[ I realized for me the most difficult part is people’s attempts to be supportive that just aren’t what I need to hear. You know the “you need to relax.” Or ““someone I know knows someone who….. And the end is they got pregnant without trying, timing, or taking medication.”
So this morning I woke and remembered my dream from last night. All these people in my life who are helpful and loving people came up to me and started to give me all this advice. In the dream I put a huge sticker over their mouths that read, “I care about you and I am trying to help.” Then I could just ignore what they were actually saying and read the message. Then for each person I hugged them and thanked them for their caring. The next thing was that all the women I know who have gotten pregnant since I’ve been trying came around with their big bellies. As I started to feel jealous and envious, I put a sticker on their tummies that read, “This is not the last baby, and yours is still waiting.” Then I had this new ability to be happy for them and not be so consumed with my own feelings.]

Long time, no Laverne

What have I been doing since we last spoke, kittens? Why, buffing my nails, lazing about, and stuffing myself silly with beer and pizza, enjoying the selfish spoils of a child-free (is that term designed to make you feel guilty, or is it just me?) existence.

I'm only partially kidding (the beer and pizza thing is oh so true). Work is getting hectic (in both good and bad ways), husband's schedule is constantly taking him out of town again, and two friends are about to get hitched--which means there have been 80 billion eating parties. But life is good. When it comes to the Baby War, I am still the scared foil to the excited Shirley. But I am rooting for her with the strength of 1,000 openly laboring Ricki Lakes.

I have been reading a pretty interesting book, y'all. I can't remember where I first heard about it, but it's a collection of essays from Salon.com debating the shoulds/shouldn'ts of parenthood. The first section is the firm "nos," the middle is the waverers, and the end (which I just started) is the eventual yesses. There are some pretty intelligent folk here saying some pretty ballsy things--things that I felt guilty for thinking and placing in the "reasons not to do this" category. Nothing is changing my mind at this point--I'm fickle, sure, but not that fickle--but it feels good to know I'm not alone in this estrogen-centric world.

Check it out (literally. The liberries need your help) and let me know what you think:


Monday, September 6, 2010

sorry for the break....

i got distracted.
i know i should really work on a better excuse than that but there you go.
life has been chugging along as usual lately... my job has introduced me to some new crazy people and some new lovely people... my hubs has been sweeter and sweeter every day which makes the babymakin' efforts much more enjoyable all around (not that he's ever really not sweet, but i guess i've just been sweeter!)... and the temperature outside feels like fall is coming which always makes me giddy.
as you can see from the previous post i got quite worked up with the charting and made myself a little manic about the whole thing. so this month i did the opposite and got super lazy. some days i could barely remember to take my temp and other days i could hardly force myself to type it in. i guess i just came to the conclusion that it's going to be a long journey so i better settle down and mellow out as to not drive myself and everyone else crazy.
well, that would be all good and well but look at what's happened as a result:


DOTTED CROSSHAIRS! bloody hell.
that means that i don't have sufficient data for FF to be certain of my ovulation date and so these crosshairs are just a guess... a guess! i mean, it looks like a pretty good guess and it's the one i would've made myself given my history of ovulation timing, but i don't like ambiguity on my charts.
i guess it's just another life lesson in balance. i feel pretty strongly that i'm not jinxing anything to say this, but next month i'm going to be a little more on top of things and record my temps and my CM but try to do it in a relaxed way.
how hard can that be, right?!
ha.


When I see your dotted crosshairs, this is all I can think about (tip of the day: do NOT Google image search "hunting rabbits." You will barf. And then you will cry):



oh god! now i want nothing else than to google that term just because you told me not to.......