Long time, no Laverne

What have I been doing since we last spoke, kittens? Why, buffing my nails, lazing about, and stuffing myself silly with beer and pizza, enjoying the selfish spoils of a child-free (is that term designed to make you feel guilty, or is it just me?) existence.

I'm only partially kidding (the beer and pizza thing is oh so true). Work is getting hectic (in both good and bad ways), husband's schedule is constantly taking him out of town again, and two friends are about to get hitched--which means there have been 80 billion eating parties. But life is good. When it comes to the Baby War, I am still the scared foil to the excited Shirley. But I am rooting for her with the strength of 1,000 openly laboring Ricki Lakes.

I have been reading a pretty interesting book, y'all. I can't remember where I first heard about it, but it's a collection of essays from Salon.com debating the shoulds/shouldn'ts of parenthood. The first section is the firm "nos," the middle is the waverers, and the end (which I just started) is the eventual yesses. There are some pretty intelligent folk here saying some pretty ballsy things--things that I felt guilty for thinking and placing in the "reasons not to do this" category. Nothing is changing my mind at this point--I'm fickle, sure, but not that fickle--but it feels good to know I'm not alone in this estrogen-centric world.

Check it out (literally. The liberries need your help) and let me know what you think:

Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives - by Lori Leibovich

Confidential to Shirley:

Do you think this should happen to my hair? ChiRi and I both have giant faces. Love the color, too.

http://www.haironthebrain.com/2010/08/christinas-bob/

(she's all, like, whatevs)

me thinks this would be most adorable on you... but are you also talking about growing out le bangs? i think it's best without them quite frankly... cause with the bangs straight across and the short bob-ness you (meaning most folks) run the risk of looking pie-faced if you add too much volume to the cut and then shorten your face by having bangs take up your forehead.

see how even reese sweeps them to the side. (is it just me or doesn't she look like she's listening to the schizo voice inside her head here and plotting to kill us all with a smile?!)

also note that ChiRi has her's curled at the bottom so it's not actually as short as it appears in this photo - so make sure your stylist knows which length you are actually asking for (pre-curl or post-curl).
and yes, the color of ChiRi's hair is lovely - lighter than yours but not washed out. keep in mind this would maybe require more than just highlights to achieve the overall look so it might get expensive.
i say go with the cut first and then color later.
hope i've helped, L!

How do I love Shirley? Let me count the ways

It's not been the best week for our girl Shirley, so let's lift her up in praise (as the crazies say down here). When I saw these, I wanted to immediately rush out and get us matching ones...how cute are they?

[nouveau friendship bracelets from J Crew]

...until I saw that they start at $130 and realized we could A) make them ourselves for like, $0.43, and B) I've spent $400 at the vet on the World's Best Cat in the past month (and $200 on the world's best phone) [Jesus. Need to stop spending money.] So maybe what we really need is this:

or this:

Here are today's three reasons why I admire Shirley, the jelly to my (crunchy) peanut butter:

1) she nursed me through a really bad breakup with my now husband. It was 2000, I was 21, and the world was ending. Thanks to Shirley, matte burgundy lipstick, Bjork, the shores of Lake Michigan, and enough wine that would kill my now 31 3/4-year old body.

2) she has not let a sometimes-not-happy start in life get in her way. She is a joyous, grateful, silly, fun, loving person. Same goes for her man-partner in crime. It can happen.

3) she has the best sense of style of anyone--even stupid Pomeranian Anna Wintour. Example: You could see S wearing a space helmet and be all like, "WTF, space helmets??" And then you'll see shitty knock off space helmets at Target in 9 months. S knows what's going to happen before it happens. And she looks good while it happens. She is the Miss Cleo of fashion trends. Respect.

THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO LAVERNE!

Response to the parental happiness debate

I can't stop thinking about this post and the related NY Mag article. I'm still stagnant on my own feelings, but have really enjoyed seeing both arguments thoughtfully play out in various Internetty spots.

From Vanity Fair (one of my fav mags, and not just for the rich people porn): This quickie is meant to incite discussion, I reckon, and doesn't really conclude much. But I liked this from the comments: Why do Americans overthink everything? Why do they involve themselves in everyone else's business? I'm not suggesting to become a parent if you aren't emotionally and financially prepared, but please! It's innate to procreate and a marvel to be a parent even if it is the hardest job you'll ever have. It's the highest highs and the lowest lows etc and so on. I had a child because I love them and knew I would love being a mom but also don't feel I have to justify it to anyone. "Because I felt like it" is the only answer that's appropriate to an inappropriate question. Period, full stop.

From NPR: A father's perspective

And, finally, (save this one for when you need a good cry/comeapart) an amazing blog linked from one of my favorite fun blogs: One woman's perspective on how motherhood has brought her a different kind of happy.

As for me, I'm still on the childless side of the fence, but only slightly. Heading off to a meeting at my work, which I know would be super frowny about babies in my belly.

Happy Monday, y'all--

xo, L

Take a good hard look at the muthafuckin' boat

L here. About to peace out to the husband's family lake house an hour north of our mysterious city. Lots of chips and beer to consume this weekend, which is not much different than most of my weekends, albeit in a different setting.

Here's what I've been wondering since Shirley and I started this here blog a few nights ago: Can we actually do this? This bloggal continuity thing? (yes!) I tried to have a wedding blog, but it lasted about 3 entries before I gave it up in favor of watching more Real Housewives. There's probably a devoted reader somewhere thinking I never got married and died. Turns out I'm both self absorbed enough to think this *and* lazy.

To baby or not to baby? That is the effing question that S and I have both been tossing around (and I promise that this blog won't be solely about our actual ovaries). And the answer is different every. single. second. I'm going to drive myself mad--or wherever you go when you pass mad. I realize I am only 31 3/4, but that's like being 77 in the eyes of the young baby momma'ed South.(you are one hot old lady.) I do this maddening should I/shouldn't I dance with everything though. I am equally crazed right now about whether to go with a white or black iphone. I mean, whether to volunteer at the humane society or the old folk's home. That's what I meant.

In classic obsessive style, here are the pros/cons:

Get that baby in mah belly:

• Cute clothes (i cannot wait to sew baby clothes.. yours or mine or both...)
• Be one less mom out there who is into monogrammed/smocked shit (ditto. but don't tell my mom.)
• Baby coos/grunts (yummmmmmm)
• That whole half you/half husband thing (also a con on some days) (this is the most convincing "pro" for me because i really want/need to see the combo in real life - will be fabulous!)

• Snapping myself out of my selfish existence (please. you give so much to people you love! not.selfish.)
• love love love (right?) (probably. unless your kid's an a-hole - kidding!)
• Our parents would loose their shit (in a good, not literal way) and be the best grandparents ever. We are so so lucky. (you really are... and don't you ever regret it. ever.)

No babies, kthx:

• They could turn into assholes just like me. (stop with this "i'm a selfish a-hole bit. you aren't!)
• Loss of ability to sleep late/nap (okay, this is a con and i have nothing to say to the contrary - naps rule! babies drool.)
• General selfishness (am I too settled in my ways to be anything but?) (yeah, it would be a major shift of energy and attention away from your own wants and needs... and i think this would be the toughie for both of us....)
• I'd have to make actual nutritious dinners every night (no Cheeto'ed Brittney baby for me). (dude! i think if we do this we should attempt to try to do it as close together as possible because i think we could greatly benefit from each other's strengths. i am STOKED on the idea of making some baby food... now adolescent food? i dunno.... i grew up eating "Kid Cuisine's" and i am a beautiful genius!)
  remember that shit?!

• What if I hate it? (wait, the kid or the act of parenting? cause i'm pretty sure you can't hate the kid but you most definitely will hate parenting like 80% of the time after about age 4 or 5...)
• A trifecta of suck for 9 months: no wine, sushi, or feta (or justifying that by thinking about how most Italian, Japanese, and Greek people have turned out ok) (they have... and rules are for suckas and made to be broken. everything in moderation.)
• Crazy huge(r) boobs that will take over the planet (or, most likely, the ground) (not gonna lie. i'm scared of your mammaries' potential for largeness as well.)
• What if I screw it up? (who *hasn't* screwed it up? i mean, nobody's perfect whether they are parents or not.)

If you read the post below, you'll see my homegirl has a much more mature, less self-centered view on this matter.

(And now I have totally effed up the font on this post, which means Shirley is gonna kill me.) (fixed it!)

give it to me NYMag

I'm sitting in the coffee shop getting ready to read this article:

Let's see how this goes.

-- Shirley

-- Post From My iPhone

S: What did you think? I read it when it first came out, and it definitely didn't send my ovaries singing. It seemed to mainly argue just one side, but it certianly didn't help my wavering. Here it is online. Would love if some mamas could weigh in: http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/ - xo, L

I had read the book they referred to in the article (Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert) and was prepared for the argument against parenthood, so to speak, and so I wasn't surprised. I actually had an interesting conversation along these lines with our guy friend who swears he is never going to reproduce and I too called on that book but in a much different way. The book basically comes to the conclusion that we (humans) are terrible at foreseeing what will actually make us happy and that the best way to choose happiness is to actually take the input of others and their experiences into account -- the #1 reason we don't do this is because we all believe that we are somehow special and that we will surely make better decisions than others. So when the dude and I were having this conversation I gave the argument that I don't know a single parent who would tell me that they wish they had never had their children... and since we already know what a childless life looks and feels like but we won't know what a life with children would look like until we tried it for ourselves we would just have to take their word for it and trust that it is indeed the miraculous, wonderful, growing, enlightening experience everyone exclaims... otherwise we run the risk of being arrogant, and possibly naive enough, to call all of those people we love and know (and maybe even admire) either bold faced liars or imply they are just plain dumb.

so I think I want to do it and yet I am still holding onto the notion that the majority of parents I see today ARE "wrong"... here I sit still convinced that I/we can do it *better*! I am not ready to give up the idea that my sweet, patient husband and I can make a happy life with a happy child. I'm not ready to buy into the idea that parenthood will suck the life out of us or our marriage. I simply think that it will be comparing apples and oranges. How can one expect a new life with a new person in it to be measured by the old life with just the two of us running around doing whatever we want, whenever we want?! it's ludicrous!

(ahhh, luda!)

Isn't the whole point of choosing to change your life actually changing your life?! I wouldn't expect it to be the same and I wouldn't expect the happiness to look or feel the same.

Contrary to the title of the article, I think we could love a child AND love our lives.

Here are the three top reasons why:

- Our marriage is strong and we are happy, actually HAPPY people. I bet if you asked those same parents polled in the article if they were essentially happy people before they ever had children you might just find that those who were unhappy before were unhappy after and that you'd also uncover that they held some glimmer of hope that their kids would make them happy... or complete... or even popular... or more interesting... or just normal in some way. I don't think we are lacking anything in our lives but I do think we have a lot to give.

- I have absolutely zero desire to "do it right"... I could give a fuck about the stressors most parents seem to place on themselves or their children (via the article: "As we gained in prosperity, childhood came increasingly to be viewed as a protected, priviledged time, and once college degrees became essential to getting ahead, children became not only a great expense but subjects to be sculpted, stimulated, instructed, groomed.") Two words: fuck. that.

- If we choose to have children, it will be that: a choice. We won't feel put upon by a life that chooses us but rather empowered by a life we choose for ourselves. I feel smarter now than ever and I am glad I am in my thirties and know myself well enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. I think that being your own person and knowing yourself is a huge advantage in parenting...

but what do I know - I'm not a parent.

S: Holy shit, sister. You're even more of a genius than I thought. And I'm such a flip flopper on this thing that I should have my ovaries locked up. xo, L

Hello World

First things first - Laverne is purple. Shirley is orange.

so L, why the blog?

Because I keep happening upon clever, witty pockets of the Internet populated by like-minded folk trying to make sense of their place in the world. And I want to be one of them, maybe.

Ok, S, what do you hope to accomplish with this here blog?

i'm not so sure i want to accomplish anything (maybe perk up my typing skillz....) but i really think that our conversations about life and the decisions we are making and the things we are mulling over are a shared experience for women our age and so i want to, well, share them. sounds dumb - but it's true.

now tell me more about these like-minded people...

Well, I started reading a bunch of infertility blogs, for some reason. Even though I'm not currently diagnosed as such. But the thing about these ladies is their eloquence and hopefulness. Common threads that pass beyond geography or money or age. And because I'm supposed to be a "word" person by trade, I think this blog might might give me a brain nudge to use my words. Why don't you describe me in 3 words? I'll do you first: driven, creative, sillysweet.

Damn! Reader(s) you should know this is intimidating because L is sitting right here and she's getting all heavy - lucky for me it's pretty easy to describe her (it's the 3 word limit that's the prob): L is lucious, grounded, and huggable.

i'm thinking that i should be just a little more specific about the "decisions we are making and the things we are mulling over are a shared experience for women our age" i was talking about earlier.... we are in our early thirties and are both really happy in our careers, no? and we are both happily married, no? and we are both trying to make decisions about starting families and such, no?

careers=yes (as long as I get to keep mine) married = yes (with occasional blips of annoyance that we all experience) families=argh (I dunno. My mind changes every day.) The one thing I want from our blog--even if no answers come clear--is honesty and to be us. Not pandering to 1,000 followers. We're not trying to get a book deal or a tv show (can you believe they're actually naming a tv show "Shit My Dad Says?") And oh yeah, we will say "shit" a lot. And even the f word. Because that's how we roll. Do you think we can actually keep this up?

you want me to talk about my inner confusion, possible babies, and the occasional annoyance of marriage and you want to ask me if i can keep it up? yeah, you know i can!

lastly, i'd like to clarify that we go by laverne and shirley on this blog and call ourselves "two secret girls" not necessarily because we are cowards but because we really hope that the cloak of anonymity will help us to be even more honest than we might otherwise be and we'll say the things other people are afraid to... that and we don't need everyone we see on a daily basis to read all the shit we plan to write about our ovaries.