Long time, no Laverne

What have I been doing since we last spoke, kittens? Why, buffing my nails, lazing about, and stuffing myself silly with beer and pizza, enjoying the selfish spoils of a child-free (is that term designed to make you feel guilty, or is it just me?) existence.

I'm only partially kidding (the beer and pizza thing is oh so true). Work is getting hectic (in both good and bad ways), husband's schedule is constantly taking him out of town again, and two friends are about to get hitched--which means there have been 80 billion eating parties. But life is good. When it comes to the Baby War, I am still the scared foil to the excited Shirley. But I am rooting for her with the strength of 1,000 openly laboring Ricki Lakes.

I have been reading a pretty interesting book, y'all. I can't remember where I first heard about it, but it's a collection of essays from Salon.com debating the shoulds/shouldn'ts of parenthood. The first section is the firm "nos," the middle is the waverers, and the end (which I just started) is the eventual yesses. There are some pretty intelligent folk here saying some pretty ballsy things--things that I felt guilty for thinking and placing in the "reasons not to do this" category. Nothing is changing my mind at this point--I'm fickle, sure, but not that fickle--but it feels good to know I'm not alone in this estrogen-centric world.

Check it out (literally. The liberries need your help) and let me know what you think:

Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth About Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives - by Lori Leibovich

Response to the parental happiness debate

I can't stop thinking about this post and the related NY Mag article. I'm still stagnant on my own feelings, but have really enjoyed seeing both arguments thoughtfully play out in various Internetty spots.

From Vanity Fair (one of my fav mags, and not just for the rich people porn): This quickie is meant to incite discussion, I reckon, and doesn't really conclude much. But I liked this from the comments: Why do Americans overthink everything? Why do they involve themselves in everyone else's business? I'm not suggesting to become a parent if you aren't emotionally and financially prepared, but please! It's innate to procreate and a marvel to be a parent even if it is the hardest job you'll ever have. It's the highest highs and the lowest lows etc and so on. I had a child because I love them and knew I would love being a mom but also don't feel I have to justify it to anyone. "Because I felt like it" is the only answer that's appropriate to an inappropriate question. Period, full stop.

From NPR: A father's perspective

And, finally, (save this one for when you need a good cry/comeapart) an amazing blog linked from one of my favorite fun blogs: One woman's perspective on how motherhood has brought her a different kind of happy.

As for me, I'm still on the childless side of the fence, but only slightly. Heading off to a meeting at my work, which I know would be super frowny about babies in my belly.

Happy Monday, y'all--

xo, L

down the rabbit hole

alright.

i'm gonna do it.

i am going to begin the evil and obsessive practice of charting and using a basal thermometer and probably even buy this guy:

(so cute! It should announce your results in a girly robot voice.)
i know the above may seem like overkill and i should just start with some charts on paper but that is NOT how i roll. i am a go-go-gadget-girl and i will find an excuse to buy any sort of electronic device (or robot) that you can imagine... and i want this one! i even discussed it with my husband ("P") and made him go look at the pee stick ovulation tests in the pharmacy and after making a plea about how expensive and wasteful they are he agreed that i could/should buy this thing. (eeeek -!!!) (!!!) (what will we call her? Patience? Faith? Bernice?)

i have also signed up at fertilityfriend.com thanks to MoDG and this post. i mean, GRAPHS AND CHARTS?! i loooove graphs and charts almost as much as robots! i am stoked, people - like, all caps S.T.O.K.E.D!

however, here is what i am unstoked about: once you officially start "trying" you are "trying" and i am really worried that i'll become obsessive and sad and that once i see all of the facts in front of me i'll no longer be able to brush off the fact that we are babyless - which up until now hasn't been a big deal but i'm a stubborn girl and i am used to working hard for what i want, not stopping til i get it, and feeling very justified and proud when i do. this will be a huge lesson in patience and humility for sure.

i went ahead and looked at the foster kids for adoption in our state and teared up. i am such an asshole for wanting to have my own kid when so many others desperately need homes.... don't argue with me - it's truth. (I am arguing with you, because this is totally untrue. And the Internet is here to protect me.)

selfish.selfish.selfish.

and who knows, maybe that's what we'll end up doing. maybe i'll have a 12 yr. old next year... but i'm getting ahead of myself... (sorry, as I know it's for serious and not funny, but that is a really funny mental image.)

for now, charts and graphs and robots.

for later, consider other options.

for never (?), obsessing, crying, pity.

(for always: me, you, cheese, and wine [and whine and cheesiness]. xo-L)

-- shirley