Take a good hard look at the muthafuckin' boat

L here. About to peace out to the husband's family lake house an hour north of our mysterious city. Lots of chips and beer to consume this weekend, which is not much different than most of my weekends, albeit in a different setting.

Here's what I've been wondering since Shirley and I started this here blog a few nights ago: Can we actually do this? This bloggal continuity thing? (yes!) I tried to have a wedding blog, but it lasted about 3 entries before I gave it up in favor of watching more Real Housewives. There's probably a devoted reader somewhere thinking I never got married and died. Turns out I'm both self absorbed enough to think this *and* lazy.

To baby or not to baby? That is the effing question that S and I have both been tossing around (and I promise that this blog won't be solely about our actual ovaries). And the answer is different every. single. second. I'm going to drive myself mad--or wherever you go when you pass mad. I realize I am only 31 3/4, but that's like being 77 in the eyes of the young baby momma'ed South.(you are one hot old lady.) I do this maddening should I/shouldn't I dance with everything though. I am equally crazed right now about whether to go with a white or black iphone. I mean, whether to volunteer at the humane society or the old folk's home. That's what I meant.

In classic obsessive style, here are the pros/cons:

Get that baby in mah belly:

• Cute clothes (i cannot wait to sew baby clothes.. yours or mine or both...)
• Be one less mom out there who is into monogrammed/smocked shit (ditto. but don't tell my mom.)
• Baby coos/grunts (yummmmmmm)
• That whole half you/half husband thing (also a con on some days) (this is the most convincing "pro" for me because i really want/need to see the combo in real life - will be fabulous!)

• Snapping myself out of my selfish existence (please. you give so much to people you love! not.selfish.)
• love love love (right?) (probably. unless your kid's an a-hole - kidding!)
• Our parents would loose their shit (in a good, not literal way) and be the best grandparents ever. We are so so lucky. (you really are... and don't you ever regret it. ever.)

No babies, kthx:

• They could turn into assholes just like me. (stop with this "i'm a selfish a-hole bit. you aren't!)
• Loss of ability to sleep late/nap (okay, this is a con and i have nothing to say to the contrary - naps rule! babies drool.)
• General selfishness (am I too settled in my ways to be anything but?) (yeah, it would be a major shift of energy and attention away from your own wants and needs... and i think this would be the toughie for both of us....)
• I'd have to make actual nutritious dinners every night (no Cheeto'ed Brittney baby for me). (dude! i think if we do this we should attempt to try to do it as close together as possible because i think we could greatly benefit from each other's strengths. i am STOKED on the idea of making some baby food... now adolescent food? i dunno.... i grew up eating "Kid Cuisine's" and i am a beautiful genius!)
  remember that shit?!

• What if I hate it? (wait, the kid or the act of parenting? cause i'm pretty sure you can't hate the kid but you most definitely will hate parenting like 80% of the time after about age 4 or 5...)
• A trifecta of suck for 9 months: no wine, sushi, or feta (or justifying that by thinking about how most Italian, Japanese, and Greek people have turned out ok) (they have... and rules are for suckas and made to be broken. everything in moderation.)
• Crazy huge(r) boobs that will take over the planet (or, most likely, the ground) (not gonna lie. i'm scared of your mammaries' potential for largeness as well.)
• What if I screw it up? (who *hasn't* screwed it up? i mean, nobody's perfect whether they are parents or not.)

If you read the post below, you'll see my homegirl has a much more mature, less self-centered view on this matter.

(And now I have totally effed up the font on this post, which means Shirley is gonna kill me.) (fixed it!)